SLEEPING
You don't do much of it. I read in baby books that newborns sleep constantly. The babies I'm following on YouTube always look so sleepy and out of it. Um, nope, not you. From the get-go you have been a very alert, curious, and inquisitive little boy. I'm going to take this to mean that you're going to be very intelligent! However this also means that you are quite the handful. It's hard work keeping you entertained and not fussy. I have to change activities often to keep you amused and happy. And since Daddy works from early morning until late at night most days, it's all up to me. Luckily, though, it's pretty easy to keep you amused and happy because you are generally a happy little guy!
In the beginning, you would only sleep in my arms. This led to creative pillow placement and propping so that both of us could sleep at the same time! Then we figured out how to co-sleep and we bought you your very own little bed to go between me and daddy. I love being able to look over at you at night and catch your sweet sleep smiles, and I love being able to cuddle with you all night long! Sometimes, you start stirring, and all I have to do is place my hand on your little body and you settle back into a deep sleep.
You still wake up a lot to eat, but you go right back to sleep so it's not TOO bad. I'm still pretty tired though, but I get used to it more and more each day. Right now I nurse you to sleep anywhere from 8-10pm and then you usually wake up every 2-4 hours to eat, which takes about 30 minutes. Overall you average about 8-10 hours of sleep per night in about 2-3 hour intervals. Sometimes you wake up upset because you have gas or need to poop and this is the worst thing about our nights! But we'll talk about poop later. You usually take two naps a day, sometimes only one. You'll fall asleep after a nursing session and then I basically sit motionless while you nap on a pillow on my lap for an hour or two. Lately I’ve been moving you to the swing or your little bed and you haven’t been waking back up like you did before. During night feedings I've been watching TV on Netflix. So far I've watched all the seasons of Nip/Tuck, Weeds, and now I'm almost done Lost. I’m running out of TV series!
EATING
Ahhh breastfeeding. We have a love/hate relationship. It was a major contributor to my postpartum insanity. You seemed to be pretty good at it from the beginning, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt A LOT. And not knowing how much you’re eating drove me crazy. In fact it still does. And my back hurt from trying to hold you in a good position. Every single day for probably the first 9 weeks I swore to myself that I was going to quit. But I’m such a stubborn person, and I know that it is a million times better than formula, and I want so badly to give this gift to you, that I will never quit unless my body just stops making milk for some reason. It’s supposed to be the most natural thing in the world, but it is honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and at times it seemed like I was willfully torturing myself. But it gives us lots of snuggle time. I look down at you sweetly eating and my heart literally oozes out of my toes. I am so proud of every single roll of chub and molecule of cellulite you have, because I put it there! So at three months we are still going strong. It doesn’t mean I don’t still worry if you’re getting enough, or that it’s completely pain-free. It just means that I love you so so much.
POOPING
Ok child you are a poop MONSTER. You have never, not once, had a silent poop. Your poops are LOUD sharts that seem to bug you a lot. The doctor assures me this is normal and should fade with time as your digestive system matures, but I am ready for it now! Your poops and farts wake you up out of deep sleeps. They interfere with your naps. They turn you from a sweet little boy into a fussy crying baby in the middle of the night, and there’s not much I can do until you get it out. I bicycle your legs and massage your belly, but sometimes it just takes a while. I don’t know if you got the memo, but most breastfed babies poop only once a day, and sometimes even once a week! That would be nice, ok? Thanks.
POSTPARTUM CRAZY
I’ll admit it. I went a little nuts. The craziest most intense experience of my life had just happened, and then suddenly I’m responsible for the LIFE OR DEATH of another human being. How the heck was I supposed to know what I was doing?? That period of time seems so surreal to me now, a blur, a nightmare that never really happened. I wasn’t sleeping, in part because YOU weren’t sleeping much, but also because even when you were sleeping, I was busy googling all the things that could go wrong with you. Then there was my whole blood pressure/preeclampsia issue. And I had bleeding and clotting problems for weeks afterwards. Four days after you were born we rushed to the hospital at 4 am because I woke up convulsing with shivers and had a blood pressure of 180/110. Turns out I was getting a bladder infection from when they had to catheter me at the hospital because I couldn’t pee after pushing you out! So then of course I was paranoid about taking antibiotics while breastfeeding. And when my parents left I was a total wreck. Daddy works all the time, so it was just you and me. I was scared I was doing everything wrong. I was lonely. Even though I loved you infinitely and you were the cutest thing I’d ever seen, it was exhausting being basically your only caretaker. I didn’t know what you wanted. You cried a lot (turns out you were just hungry! Oops). And I cried every single day for a long time too. Then, one day, I just felt better. We developed a routine of sorts. I figured out what all your little noises and cries meant. I gained confidence. I became a MOM.
MISCELLANEOUS
Every morning when you wake up, I roll over and sing “I’m Only Sleeping” by The Beatles to you. You greet me with the biggest grin that melts my heart and energizes me no matter how bad the night went or how exhausted I may be. Then I sit you in the chair made out of my belly and knees and we sing Ann Murray. Your favourites are “Animal Crackers” and “Teddy Bear Picnic”. My sisters and I listened to this very same music when we were little girls! Then after a while we get up and I give you a bath. I remember how absolutely terrified I was to give you a bath in the beginning. When your belly button stump was still on and my parents were still here, we just used washcloths at the kitchen sink, and you screamed. Your screams would fade into pitiful mewls that broke my heart and seemed to say “why are you trying to kill me?”. Then it was time to move you to the real bathtub. I waited until Daddy and I could do it together. YOU HATED THE WATER. I swore I would never give you a bath by myself, even if that meant you only got cleaned once a week. Somehow, I got the courage to try, and now I can say you even like your bath! You started splashing now with your legs, and you love when I massage you with lotion afterwards.
You love taking walks with me when the weather is warm enough. You hate being put into and taken out of your snowsuit but once you’re strapped into the carrier on my chest you are happy as a clam. We walk around the buildings where we live and I sing to you as you look around at the world. Usually you fall asleep by the end of it.
You also used to hate your carseat. I think partly because you grew so tall and I hadn’t adjusted it for you yet! Now you seldom cry when you go in, and you love riding in the car. We’re getting a new carseat for you this week, a Recaro Proride that you’re going to LOVE because it is sooo luxurious and you’ll be able to see out of the windows because it’s so high.
You are crazy strong. From almost the beginning you loved for us to prop you up in a standing position. And you held your head up on your own starting at 7-8 weeks old! Now, when I prop you in a sitting position, you use your ab muscles to pull up and then you timber over into a faceplant. Trust me it’s quite amusing to watch you do it over and over! Your little face gets so focused and concentrated, and you make little grunting noises as you struggle to sit up! You love when Daddy holds you up and makes you ‘walk’. You think you’re such a big boy!
You love my face, and I love yours too. You watch me everywhere I go no matter who’s holding you. My heart bursts when I see you gazing at me from across the room when you’re in Daddy’s arms or your swing! You like to be held a lot. At the beginning we couldn’t put you down for a minute without you screaming. But you’re slowly becoming more independent every day. Your personality is emerging, and it’s so amazing. I just know we are going to be best buddies as you grow up. You love when I make funny faces, and you reward me with grins that I swear are so adorable they could bring about world peace. You’re starting to giggle now, and blow bubbles. AND MY GOSH TODAY YOU ROLLED FROM YOUR TUMMY TO YOUR BACK FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME ALL BY YOURSELF!!!
Happy birthday my love, my precious, my son… mi amor, mi precioso, mi hijo. I love you so much, yo te amo mucho!
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